PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is a mental health problem that can happen after someone goes through a really scary or shocking event. People with PTSD might have bad memories, nightmares, and get really nervous or scared, even when they're safe. It can make daily life tough…and many teachers are experiencing this as they leave the classroom and search for other career opportunities.
I received an email from my current management, recognizing me for five years with the company at the end of February. I can’t believe I’ve been out of the classroom, and living in the world of instructional design, for FIVE years. When you envision your entire life, from the time you were 7 years old through college and even the first few years teaching, as what “the rest of your life” will look like, it’s shocking to hear how quickly time has gone, living a different reality.
My current team has a running joke that we’re where teachers go to recover from their Classroom PTSD. Over half of my teammates are teachers no longer in the classroom. We remember our administrators standing in our doorway, watching us teach and intimidating us without words. We remember being told “we would never be Teacher of the Year while they were principal”, as we’re surrounded by multiple nominations from peers. We remember being called out into the hallway during school hours and being berated by administration as other students and staff walked by, witnessing our humiliation. We remember when parents would go above our heads, asking for special treatment, when they knew that administration would support them, instead of talking to us as reasonable adults. We remember being treated like a child (Is this how they would treat our students?), degraded, belittled, scolded in all formats - through email, in after school meetings, and impromptu “stop by my office” phone calls.
We still react in the office as we would in the classroom. I can’t tell you how many times that first week I made sure that I asked permission before I contacted anyone from any team other than ours, making sure I had followed through on the correct “chain of command.” We apologize for taking time off to go to the doctor, even though our management knows our work is already done (probably for a few days out), we have families and lives, and there is no reason to apologize. We still have dreams about being in the classroom and wondering how we got back there - how did we mess up our current position so badly to be sent back?!
Do I miss the classroom? Parts of it. I miss the relationships that turned from student (or colleague) to family. Learning about what achievements and successes my students accomplished after leaving my slice of 4th grade heaven is my favorite part. I had lunch with some of my former teammates before Winter Break and we talked about how we missed “us.” The collaboration and support is still felt in our group text (after not working as that team for almost 10 years now)! I miss the content - there is so much fun to be had, when learning in fourth and fifth grades. New books to read. New science experiments to conduct. New experiences to connect.
Five years goes so quickly. A lot has happened in education in five years. I’m so thankful for my current team - peers, management, deans, faculty, and other higher education instructional designers. They’ve taught me so much! My call to action for others - Support your teachers. So many good ones are already gone. Don’t traumatize the rest of them.
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